"What matters to me right now?"

This question came by way of an email digest I subscribe to, and it seemed an extremely apt one at this juncture right before I return to work next Monday after 4 months of trying to recover from burnout and depression. I'm not fully recovered, in the sense that meds prop me up, but we've at least figured out what cocktail of prescriptions help make me socially functional. Emotions remain numbed, but that seems secondary from the doctor's point of view, given that her main goal just seems for me to return to work as soon as feasible. 

In the last 6 months, I've: 

- started dating apps! Tried it out first in Stockholm. 

- had a casual relationship that helped me understand myself and what I want/don't want better. 

- worked in a role I've been wanting to try from 2 years ago. And then burnt out from all the chaos. 

- been diagnosed with depression from the burnout. Started anti-depressants, and now taking a combination of two -- bupropion and Vortioxetine. Also taking sleep aid -- mirtazapine. 

- started seeing a psychologist. One worked; one didn't. 

- realised my idea of home is no longer that tiny red dot. 

In the last month, I've: 

- ended the casual relationship. :'( I still think this is the right decision but a part of me mourns the what-could-have-been's. 

- had some moments where I feel more like myself again. Jukebox in my head, much less brain fog, more energy, and able to work towards a goal or two. Thank you, meds. 

- worked consistently on improving my padel skills. Bandejas, specifically. Played in B-league. Signed up for a 3.5 month padel training with Padel+ as well. 

- re-started the dating process. Went on two first dates last week. 

- discussed returning to work and in what role/capacity. 

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So, what matters to me right now? 

1. Health 

Getting back to me without needing meds. Which means, I need to work on:  

• Regulating and improving sleep quality 
• Eating well and regularly 
• Doing things that spark joy and recharge my energy: playing sports, listening to music, taking walks, eating good food, travelling, reading. 

2. Progress 

• Padel -- improving my basic technique and footwork. Unlearning and re-learning as needed. Consistency. Tournaments. 
• Career -- figuring out whether the current environment works for me or to move on. Start opening doors for myself. Check, check, apply, apply. 
• Relationships -- maintaining my quality friendships, and making a consistent effort to find a life partner. 
• Communication -- understanding and communicating my own boundaries, expectations, thoughts, and needs.