12.00 Advice

Woke up late and took a cab down to EG today. On the ride there, the taxi uncle pretty much counselled me on the current concerns I have despite me not mentioning them. Indeed, the universe does seem to conspire to help you get what you want; you just have to listen. (He also thought I was still schooling heh.)

"Keep learning; keep learning anything at all, as long as you are interested in it."

"Work on growing and getting better skilled, and the money will follow."

"Youth is your best currency now."

Even up till the last part of the ride when he entered the condo, a offhand remark about the security guards had him dishing out pertinent advice: Security is a big industry and more all-encompassing than what we see with "security guards". Even as we stopped at the destination, he continued telling me about security consultants, the security industry, apparently a role called hijack consultant. It was only midway that I told him I actually started a role that had to do with security six months ago, and it was really interesting that I was actually considering delving further into this industry. The taxi uncle was all for it and he continued sharing. It was all so heartening and certainly worth more than the 12.00 fare.

Sometimes, our biggest cheerleaders and guides come from out of the blue.

Thank you, uncle. 

Un-kindness and other bytes

"If you don't sit down right now, I am going to smack you!"

"I hate that song, shut up!"

Overheard on the bus within a minute or so... Even though I get that the mother with a heavy bag of groceries wanted to get her young son seated as quickly as possible for safety reasons, is there really no better way to express that? And while some of the silliest songs/tunes go viral and you get sick of hearing it, isn't it concerning the ease with which the word "hate" leaves our mouths? On some level, doesn't that make it easier to transition from the word to actions?

Deep thoughts on a Saturday afternoon on the way to squash, but sometimes I can't help but feel a sense of sadness for the world and the kinds (human, animal, others) that inhibit it.

But then... right across from where I sit, kindness unfolds in the most mundane 3 minutes ever and that leaves me smiling. An elderly Chinese lady asks the Malay youth next to her about where the bus is headed and they have a conversation about where she needs to get off. There is hope after all, and everything ebbs and flows in kind. What a wonderful world and what a humbling reminder... :)
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The other day, while debriefing with my boss after an interview for the upcoming rotation, he mentioned that he likes hiring "ambitious people" and that's why he chose me. I was incredulous, saying "Am I ambitious?! Remember I don't even have career goals?!?" And he added one other line saying, in a slightly joking tone, "You're meant for greater things, J". I responded with "Why do people keep saying that!? What does it mean??", and quickly steered the conversation back to the interviewee's performance. Unspoken though was a joking line that went "Is that why you won't hire me?", but I kept that to myself since I knew that was out of his control.

Honestly though, I am determined to find out why I give off that imptession since it is not the firsr time I've heard both and I have nfi why. 

Flow States

I've had a really eventful week and even more happening weekend, but that same feeling is back. Productive Monday and Tuesday at work, spent Wed to Friday trying to get over a flu/cold and still work. Met up with the bistro gang before DeeMac flew off. Saturday was squash as usual then chicken rice with the makan gang and Ee-Are team building afterwards. Team building was great. Got home late, couldn't really sleep as I kept feeling that I had to make sure I wouldn't oversleep for Sunday's early morning activity. Finally settled down for maybe 40 mins before my alarm pulled me back into consciousness. Went to volunteer at the food kitchen, Willing Hearts - worked there from 5:45am to 12noon. Had a private lesson in my head on my own pride,judgement and some thoughts on management, while packing rice, veg, egg, fish into styrofoam boxes. Went home and crashed for 2 hours, then scrambled out for a match. Had a good, tough match which we lost but oh well. Then got home for dinner and some rest for my aching feet. Such a great week right? Even better week coming up with plans for free financial talks, pending visit to J&M's house with K&F, and XX's early birthday dinner. Random but in the reservation, I actually put a note saying "Celebrating my best friend's birthday!" and had a wry thought that now that I am finally able to call her that, we probably actually aren't that close anymore. Maybe that's why I'm able to say it out loud even to myself. So odd. Like I said, I still don't really believe in best friends. Somehow the way I've socialized with friends has always been a little bit of a weird pattern - not in big groups or cliques but always 1x1 with select people who hit it off somehow. So it's hard for me to find intersections with my good friends.

Still had a nagging feeling of something mono-tarinai despite all these blessings and busy-ness. Then I read an article (http://www.thesimpledollar.com/what-should-i-do-with-my-life-the-fundamental-question-of-personal-finance-and-a-surprising-answer/) while doing my almost daily self-education on finance. And it struck. Struck not even a bell but, a... gong. Resonated so loudly. I've always had a general vision in my head of the life I want, and somehow I knew I'd get there and I just have to keep moving forward a step at a time, because somehow that's how my life has panned out so far. I don't think it's entirely due to my own... anything; fortune probably plays a huge part, but I've just always had that solid, underlying belief. This author though talked about actually identifying specific aspects of the life we want, and had a great way to address the "how?". So many faux-inspiring articles make sweeping statements like "Follow your passion", "YOLO", (both of which I disagree with, by the way), but so so so few can actually tackle the specifics of how. This article though, funnily enough appearing on a financial blog when it pretty much amounts to Life, identified something called "Flow States" -- or a time or state of mind where one is so immersed in the moment that time just flowed on unconsciously. And I just thought... that is brilliant. Seriously. So today, even as I was watching a very interesting episode of WGM and Law of the Jungle, my mind just kept tugging at me, till I had to pause LoJ and type this out. I've decided that my nightly exercise tonight will be writing down what this specific life I want, is. Pen and paper for this, just cuz that just feels so much more raw and intimate than hitting the keys on a dirty keyboard I really should clean.

This has been a great week, and in so many ways that were not listed. Like, rediscovering re-fashions and having Darwin Fish conversations :) Also, the desire to find my own hole and hide to regenerate has intensified after a great week like this, so I can't help thinking I'm definitely socially awkward. Or maybe just an introvert.

Peace out. 

Midpoint Check

Just realized I am now midway through the rotation, but it already feels like I've been here six months. Still working on the adjustment and will have to see how this plays out. Wonder how long the extension will be and how patient I'll be.

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Family matters seem to tire me out easily. I really dislike being the main channel through which everything seems to go through. Allowance to H in US? Through me. Discussions on affordability of his education? Initiated and facilitated by me. Questions about R's future now that he's back in SG? Ask me, even though my brother is just right next to me. Ah Ma is not feeling well and need to contact my father? Message me. Popo needs a smart phone, but my mother doesn't want to buy it and my aunt has no time so, who else? Me. Third aunt needs to do angioplasty and wants to contact my father to gift him, but he doesn't respond - go through me, of course. Dad doesn't want to respond to her and yet doesn't want me engage her or take her gift, but I refuse to be pulled into their own family games so I still politely respond.

So tired. Sometimes I really wish I wasn't the eldest, and wasn't the sensible, responsible one. Why couldn't I have been the eccentric one who just did everything the way I wanted, and didn't care about anyone else? Or maybe the youngest one, who had an elder sibling pave the way and help ensure everything will be alright?

Recently, I don't know if the urge to leave is fuelled by an innate desire to fly or an escape route from such pressure.
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Did a personality test thing for fun (http://www.thebookoflife.org/self-knowledge-questionnaire/#) and got Reverence, Shyness, and Sensitivity. Seemed pretty true, especially the Reverence part - never really thought of it this way. Excerpted below:

REVERENCE 

One part of you dreams of giving yourself up - perhaps just for a while - to a hero or mentor. In the right circumstances you can flourish by letting go of your ego. In your inner life, reverence plays out as a willing submission to your own conscience. In the outside world, you might get frustrated searching for something worth believing in - a country, a person, a company - but you will always be open to feeling respect, admiration and wonder. 

Another gratitude-stirring week

Been a busy and tiring week but really really great too. 

Saturday, went for the usual squash and then a "picnic" at Pasir Ris Park with B-b-, Av- and P-. Sunday, impromptu lunch at Toa Payoh Lor 8 with the squash gang (W-, G-, C-S-) and then Les Mis at 7pm and supper out with the bistro gang. Monday, went over to Yi-yi's house to help paint. Tuesday, met Siang for chicken rice dinner, visited his current place, and chit chat about life and investments. Wednesday, dinner with Panda and Daniel at a pretty good and value-for-money Thai food, and hung out at an awesome bar Laugh! at a new hotel. Thursday, went home after work to rest up for the Q.BR meeting and many schedules the next day. Friday, Q.BR meeting went pretty smoothly (I think) and met up with a few JpnSSA and Nana for nomihoudai dinner and clubbing after. Saturday, did not have the usual squash but went over to Yi-yi's place for lunch, got to know a great local bakery with donuts and honey cake, and then over to Jac&Marcus' place for a hotpot, house tour, bar raid and karaoke. Found out gin could taste good (Botanist, Monkey47 Sloe Gin), sang my heart out, got home at 5am, woke up and went for floorball with yy and yx's group at 2pm, discovered good truffle fries thereafter at Sunday Market, and then back home for yong tau foo soup and steamed fish dinner. 

I tend to pack my life into a whirlwind of non-stop activity and be forward-looking. Saturday dinner meeting old schoolmates was a reminder of how much I don't remember or maybe don't stop to remember. She could remember we were on the same team 10 years ago but I completely had no recollection. Sometimes I just need to remind myself to pause, breathe and reflect -- one of my favourite activities by far, but perhaps only done infrequently. 

Just typing all this though, made me realize how much I have to be thankful and grateful for. So many groups of wonderful people and friends; opportunities in the workplace for both professional and personal growth; encountering wonderful mentors and also touching a few people's lives in small ways... 

Of course there are aspects for improvement, especially on the family front. The prodigal brother's return has brought quite a lot of tension and irritation to the house and family - after so long I don't know why it is so difficult to quell the annoyance that swells up when my family members pester me about  my brother. He's right here, why don't you ask him instead of me? I'm not his mother or his keeper... Relations with my mother could probably be better too. The cycle of annoyance is re-surging and I even snapped to my cousin's defence against my mom the other day. I know she doesn't have it easy too and she is doing what she can,but I still cannot help but get annoyed at some of the things she says and how narrow her mind and statements seem sometimes. Sigh, family really is the hardest to deal with and be kind to... Why... 

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On a side note, 2016 will probably be a year of firsts in many ways: Went natural rock climbing in Krabi with a group of people I don't all know that well; Re-took the level 1 for climbing; Climbed Mt. Rinjani with 14 others, of which I initially only knew 2; Joined a floorball group outside of the school circle for the first time; Had dinner with friends of friends and had a lot of fun meeting new people and new gins; Went for my first biz trip albeit just to KL but still, what an experience; Moved to a rotation in a completely different field requiring vastly different skill sets which I am still working hard on (networking, presentation, presenting). 

Still to come: Part of a project for work for the first time, and definitely excited about it; Rolling out a new process in my rotation role; Going for Advanced open water in August; Will be visiting CA end August to September for a summit; MCing a good friend's wedding in September.

That's it for now but I think I also got a good reminder for myself that even if I am thoroughly enjoying and growing so much right now, I need to remember to take the steps today to reach my dreams tomorrow. No matter what, just keep walking girl. 

Still my favourite quote right now: 

"Are your habits of today on par with your dreams for tomorrow?" 

Two Oh Sixteen So Far

2016 has been a year filled with activity trips so far - unplanned really, but all the more enjoyable thanks to the spontaneity.

End of March - Rock climbing in Krabi
Food trips to KL including to enjoy the Buka Puasa Pasar
Early June - Hiking Mount Rinjani

Possibly to come:
August - Durian picking and Mt. Ophir
December - Manila and Mount Pulag?

Of course, the usual melange of good food hunting, squash, hockey and floorball has not stopped. Finally got the level 1 for rock climbing too and went for the first session yesterday.

One month into the new rotation at work too, and thoroughly enjoying the understanding that I don't know anything at all once again. Good friends also at a similar stage in life - moving on/transitioning to roles they enjoy and where they are recognized. And this is important for me too and makes me happy somehow.

Rinjani was a refresher in the majesty of nature and the smallness of man; a reminder of the importance of humility and perseverance.

Grateful for friends who willingly teach me so much, and friends who enjoy organizing trips and bringing people together. Grateful for new colleagues and managers who are supportive and sincere in teaching the "baby" me. Grateful for the opportunity to keep working on family relationships.

I thought I made headway in the last aspect, or maybe I have but not as much as I thought I had. Recently I even considered my life may play out, totally different from what I planned/desired in the last two years, and I was actually kind of alright with that. But then this morning there was a stark and sharp resurgence of that urge to run away again. Again, it was family. Why, girl, why? Every family has its challenges, but you can't deny you've been nothing but blessed. So why?

Many years on, I still struggle to answer this question...
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Yesterday X was sharing with me the takeaways from the sales course she went on recently. Interesting packaging of communication, presentation and negotiation skills, made all the more amazing because despite it being a sales course, it appears none of those terms were used.

Jotting down some of what I remember here:

First meetings:
1. Relating
- Foundation
- Find points of commonality

2. Discovery
- Bulk of the time should be spent on this
- Discovering vs Uncovering:
--> Uncovering only uncovers facts. Discovering is understanding the whys and hows behind the facts. Uncovering type questions are only fact-based, difficult to find the pain points and motives.
- Discovery-type Question Tips
--> Feeling finding questions: How do you feel about the current arrangement? What do you like most? What do you like least?
--> Magic Wand question: If you had a magic wand and anything could happen, what would you wish was solved and how? --> This takes the person out of the trap of feasibility, where they might not mention what they really want because they think it is not possible.

3. Advocating
- The hard-sell: Definitely the smallest portion. The right to sell is only earned when you have discovered the problem and have a solution.
- Closing styles:
--> Assumptive: "When would you like to start?"
--> Options: "We have different forms of payment/packages. Which is your preferred?"

Tips for shaping a meeting/presentation:
PPP
- At the start of the meeting, briefly state the Purpose, Process, and Payoffs. Clearly outline the agenda, and the process to meet that agenda, and the expected payoffs to both parties.

Ben Duffy Opening
- Build rapport by preparing a few questions you think the audience might have, and then mention it and address a few. Look for reactions for hits and build on that.

Follow-up email
- Send a follow-up email paraphrasing and listing what you understand is the audience's problem and invite them to acknowledge and correct where necessary.
- Good customers vs Bad customers: Walk away from the bad customers

Proposal:
D?
Solution
- Talk through the specifics of how the product/solution works, and help the audience envision using it.
Advantages
- Highlight the unique points of the proposed solution

Benefits
- Use this to address Motives - directly for Task, and indirectly for Personal.

Motives:
1. Task Motives
--> Increase/decrease money (cost, profit, etc)
--> Increase/decrease effort (quality, amount of work)

2. Personal Motives
--> Recognition
--> Respect
--> Approval
--> Benefits

On Influence

Food for thought: A key aspect of influence is the ability to state a problem without blaming anyone. 

Source: When Your Boss Is Terrible at Leading Meetings

https://hbr.org/2016/05/when-your-boss-is-terrible-at-leading-meetings

The Catalytic Cherry Tomato

Today, I got mindfucked by a cherry tomato. Yes, a CHERRY TOMATO.

I am grateful for general good health, work satisfaction and recognition, yoga gym class, and colleagues who are also friends and good company for a night out in town of Japanese food and window shopping. I am also grateful for friendship that drives from east to town at 10:45pm to fetch me for supper and talk about life, newborn babies, crisis management courses, unconscious biased thinking, and deliver cherry tomatoes and jambu air. Yes, cherry tomatoes.

I am in awe, and my world is shaken. Shaken not just by the sweetness of possibilities that burst open in my mind as I bit into the cherry tomato, but also insanely grateful for the friendships I somehow have and that is willing to travel far and share that piece of paradise and paradigm shifts with me.

I am just... in awe, in shock, in a suspended space and time devoid of feelings but full of emotions. I think it might be a sleepless night... 

Hallelujah

Because I'm on a roll - here's a keeper: https://www.brainpickings.org/2014/09/11/jeff-buckley-interview/

“Be awake enough to see where you are at any given time and how that is beautiful and has poetry inside.”

Birthday Grace

On my birthday, I give thanks to the events, the relationships, and the thoughts that took me this far - and have farther to go.

Thankful for...
... colleagues who helped me out today without complaining; reminding me it's time to leave; and for even finishing up my unfinished work so I could enjoy my birthday dinner in peace.
... family who are safe and healthy, and chasing their own dreams. Each day I teach myself to let go of them, and more importantly, the guilt just a little more, and one day, I will fly.
... friends who take me out with heart and feed my stomach and my soul.

I am glad I am able to treat my mum and grandparents to a meal. I am glad they are of good enough health to join me with smiles. I am touched by the pride I see in their eyes, when they commented "We used to take you guys out for dinner, but now it's the reverse."

I am thankful for my mum who is slowly learning to stand on her own two feet again, and for her being grateful for my existence. I am thankful for the brother who sends his love all the way from half the world away - I will try my best to always be a sister you look up to, but more importantly, one who is there for you, no matter where I am. I am thankful for my father who though unwell, keeps loving in his own little ways  - like punctual birthday messages and random down jackets for the "cold countries you're going to visit" (was I?? but that doesn't matter now - it's an omen for sure!)

I am grateful for friendships - for friends who meet up every 6 months and then for two days in a row; for friends who send their wishes from UK, Finland, Germany, Japan, Korea, China, US, Taiwan, etc; for friends who make dinner plans for when they are going to be in town; for friends from whom I have to wrangle out free dinner treats (haha); for friends who traverse the island with me every weekend in search of good food; for friends who remind me to have fun and go fishing in Batam; for friends who teach me to reset my expectations every weekend at floorball; for friends who show me life is good, and walk alongside me.

I am grateful for work, and to have work. Work that I can immerse myself in even though sometimes I unconsciously allow it to completely drain me and fill me up with negativity instead. No matter what, that is part of my learning journey, and I am learning - about the world, about people, about myself.

I am thankful for the things, the people, and the aspects of myself I have let go of, and will let go of. Fulfilled relationships and friendships, job scopes I grew out of, tough times that toughened me up, and pride. O Pride, I am still struggling with you, but gladly take you on.

And of course, health. Health health health. Comparatively, last year has been a generally injury-free and problem-free year compared to the previous two years - and for that I am deeply grateful. Nothing like having cornea ulcers and torn ligaments to remind you of the greatest, hidden treasure in life.